Premarital Counseling

Premarital Counseling

Premarital Counseling

Premarital Counseling seeks to identify the sources of conflict in a marriage and provide healthy ways of resolving such conflicts. Premarital Counseling is an alternative to divorce or separation for some couples (Hylton, 2002). Premarital Counseling may also be sought by couples in the process of a divorce or separation to help them deal with the changes and emotions being experienced so that the process is dealt with in a healthy manner. Such Premarital Counseling may benefit both the couple and any children who may be affected by negative feelings such as anger and vindictiveness (Lutes, 2001).

Laws vary by state, but some state laws allow a couple to obtain a marriage license for a reduced fee if they undergo premarital counseling. Premarital Counseling is also generally a requirement for them who opt for a covenant marriage. Some state laws give judges the authority to order Premarital Counseling. In states where the judge may order Premarital Counseling, the judge often delays the divorce proceeding for a month or two during the counseling period (Gardener, 2003).

In addition to many counties enacting community policies to reduce the problems of divorce, states have begun to consider broader changes. In some states, legislators are working to make divorces harder to get. "The proposed laws would repeal blanket 'no fault' laws in the hopes that additional hurdles would prevent some divorces...." wrote Laurie Krauth in Family Therapy News (June 1996). This issue has been rife with controversy. Critics argue it would create messier divorces, not prevent them. And the tougher restrictions could endanger women in abusive marriages. Constance Ahrons, PhD, director of the marriage and family therapy program at the University of Southern California also notes that no-fault divorce laws create a new kind of prejudice: "divorcism." Those who choose divorce as the best option in a relationship then are seen as "irresponsible and immature," she notes in USA Today (Frankl, 2002).

But how many marriages can be saved once a divorce lawyer has already been contacted? In most cases, relationships on the way to divorce court are "much, much harder to change," notes David Olson, PhD, president of Life Innovations and professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota, St. Paul. Many state legislators agree with Olson. Following the leads of those in the community marriage policy arena, state legislators have proposed an array of options including making premarital counseling a mandatory requirement in obtaining a marriage license, lower license fees for those who attend marriage preparation courses and delays in getting marriage licenses for those who opt not to go do premarital work (Desmond, 2004).

Arizona State Senator David Petersen is "pushing legislation to reduce marriage license fees for those who get premarital education," reports USA Today (Hylton, 2002). Michigan State Representative Jessie Dalman has introduced a law that would require couples who refuse premarital preparation classes to wait 60 days for a marriage license instead of three.

When Should a Couple Seek Pre-Marital Counseling?

The basis for the following criteria has been ...