Sensitive Mothering



Sensitive Mothering

Introduction

Attachment is the way we relate to the important people in our lives. It is a key element of psychological and emotional well-being, and forms our views about love and connection. In many ways, attachment is the umbrella under which all other development occurs. The way we attach to others guides the quality of our relationships, how we see the world, and the tone and depth of our lives. Our attachment style and patterns are grounded in our first experiences, namely those primary relationships of our first years of life. All babies attach to their caregivers, regardless of Mothering choice or style. In a very real sense, all Mothers practice attachment Mothering: Attachment is always taking place, and all Mothering is a central component of the creation of attachment. It is a question of what kind of attachment we're talking about, and how healthy that bond is.

Without bonding, babies fail to thrive, or even risk death. Attachment is a biological necessity that stems from the reliance of immature infants on their caregivers for protection, advantage, and basic survival. Attachment security in infancy is associated with healthy, mutually satisfying relationships, optimal cognitive functioning, and emotional and behavioral management later in life.

Sensitive Mothering as Brain Building

While all this hard science is very complex, the implications for Mothers and babies are more straightforward. Nurturing touch, warm interaction, loving play, and sensitive comfort are at the heart of healthy brain development, secure attachment, and optimal child development. In simple terms, sensitive mothering is brain building. How we respond to our babies' needs around sleep, feeding, separations, play, and other day-to-day subtleties may go unnoticed or undervalued, but this endless cycle of sensitive mothering is what the science is actually talking about. It is not about flash cards or fancy gadgets or advice from a book. It is about following your heart, listening to your child, and deepening your love.

For example, eye contact and gazing between a mother and baby are associated with a mutually reinforcing cycle of pleasurable sensations from hormones cascading in both their bodies. A similar reaction occurs with skin-to-skin contact in things like infant massage and holding a baby, which, like eye contact, produce "love hormones." One such substance is oxytocin, a peptide hormone important for the creation of positive emotions and healthy social connections. Oxytocin inhibits the negative impact of stress and increases the healing rate of wounds. It is essential for bonding and feeling good in relationships.

The wisdom of attachment Mothering is represented in the research. In fact, how a child is mothered can literally change the child's genetic profile. In studies of rats (from whom we learn a great deal), the most powerful predictor of how a baby rat will grow up to treat her own children is how she is mothered. If a pup born to an abusive mother is cross-fostered and raised by a nurturing mother — who can transmit only her Mothering style, not her genes — the baby will grow up to ...